Let’s start from the beginning. 

8th grade, we started talking. I wasn’t to interested in you then. I was so young and I’d never even had a boyfriend or liked anyone. I was so sheltered I just didn’t know what it felt like to have someone like you in my life, if that makes sense. I could tell you liked me and I was so innocent and nice I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I went to one of your soccer games. I remember that like it was yesterday, I was beyond nervous. I remember watching you walk towards me and all the emotions that ran through me, I don’t know why… maybe I did like you. I was a stupid 8th grader. Later, you asked me out and I said yes, but that lasted only a day. I’m pretty sure we continued to talk, I don’t quite remember. 

9th grade, I believe I was the one who initiated talking this time around. I missed the attention you gave me. You were so sweet. You even sent me a flower on Valentines day and that was the nicest thing a boy had ever done for me, at the time. Nothing much happened that year. 

10th, here we fucking go. I don’t remember who started talking to who this time. I feel like we pretty much talked the whole year, but really started talking around December- February. I talked about you to my friends and had the biggest crush on you. And I knew you liked me too, we both know why it took me so long to say yes to you though. Then February 25 you finally asked me out. You were honestly the perfect boyfriend, you would do the cutest little things just because. And I really fucking miss that. Like bringing me hot chocolate in the morning, or writing those love notes that I loved so much, or walking me to all my classes. We devoted literally all our time to each other, which maybe wasn’t the smartest idea because we isolated ourselves from our friends, but at the time I really didn’t care. You were my top priority. Then when you broke up with me because you “didn’t feel the same anymore” it seriously felt like my world just came crashing down. I didn’t know how to deal with that. 

Then over summer when you started dating her TWO WEEKS after we broke up I had so much hatred towards you wouldn’t even believe, especially because you had just started texting me again. Anyways, I was crying over you all summer and making myself sick over you. Days would go by where I wouldn’t eat because I was so depressed over the situation. I lost so much weight over summer at an unhealthy pace. I did have a good summer though, the days were great, it was just the nights that were rough. 

Then school started, I thought I was going to be okay with seeing you. I was going to be able to walk past you and feel nothing. Boy was I fucking wrong. All sorts of old feels and memories came rushing right the fuck back. I couldn’t stand seeing you and not talking to you. I don’t remember what my excuse was for texting you the first time. But then we started talking and then you broke up with her and that was such a bittersweet moment. I loved that you weren’t with her anymore but I also felt bad because I thought I broke you guys up, even though you reassured me I didn’t. Then we hung out, and it was just like old times, I had missed it so much. I was so happy. Then, you just stopped talking to me. I didn’t understand at all why. Finally, you told me why and it was seriously the dumbest reason, and I really had every reason to be pissed the fuck off but I can’t stay mad at you. Then we started talking again and on October 2nd, you asked me out. Third times a charm, right?

Wrong. At first, all was well. I tried to convince myself things were just how they used to be, but looking back on it, I was wrong. As the weeks went on, you talked to me less and less and pushed me away. Didn’t stop to talk to me in the halls, we barely hung out, you never gave me little compliments like you used to. Time after time I tried to tell you and you said you would try to be better, but you never did. 

You would blame it on work, and getting ready for college. We could never hang out because you had to “study” or work. I was the least important thing to you and I really dont know why I put up with it for so long. You somehow found time to go play football with your friends and go ice skating. hmm, cute. 

THEN. You started texting this girl you were fully aware I hated. I explained to you why I didn’t like her very fucking clearly and you still said you “didn’t understand why I didn’t want you talking to her.” We technically never officially broke up and I don’t even know how you feel on the situation right now. Actually, I’m pretty convinced you hate me for some reason even though you have no reason to. You still wear the sweatshirt i bought you for your birthday, and won’t take yours back that I have. What’s up with that? 

So to wrap this up, I’m okay with not being together, but I do miss you…well the old you. Would I talk to you again after you’ve hurt me so many times? Yes. I would. Would I ever give you another chance? I can’t even honestly say no. Even though I can guarantee that will never happen because you refuse to talk to me even to get your sweatshirt back. 

I don’t think I’ll ever not care about you because of our history and the fact that you were my first love. 

Well now I feel better. thanks for reading.